Stress: My Former Constant Companion~

I suppose this has been written about ad nauseam, but it really is true. I am referring to the absence of stress after living under its constant grip for a long period of time. As Richard Selzer says about starving to death, no one who is doing it can tell you what it feels like; only someone who is not, can. The same, I find, can be said of stress.

For the past two-plus years I have been under the constant strain of being sued in a foreign country, learning the legal ropes in a system other than my own, and dealing with lawyers, judges, and unpleasant neighbors. I felt as though I was handling all this without any adverse effects. When concerned people asked about how we were coping I thought they were being overly protective. I had no idea what kind of constant burden we had been carrying until it began to lift last week.

Now that this interminable land deal is clearing up, I have begun to sleep deeply, waking in the morning wondering how I survived the last two-and-a-half years with so little REM, or any other kind of sleep. Before, in a high-anxiety state, I woke regularly in the middle of the night and immediately began to analyze our current situation from every angle I could imagine. My mind felt like some kind of out of control printer, pre-programmed to begin collating paperwork if it was bumped out of sleep mode.

This morning I awoke and realized I had slept straight through the night. Old habits die hard though, and this morning when I opened my eyes I found myself cruising the possible things I could troubleshoot.

Nada. Nothing. Zip.

I lay staring out the window at the palms and the gray dawn breaking. The muscles in my shoulders were relaxed, residing where they are supposed to and not somewhere up around my earlobes. They were pliable and I was actually able to turn my neck without a crunch. I took a full and cleansing breath and my brain felt at ease for the first time since I could remember. The air was noticeably fresher and the jungle looked that much greener this morning.

I have no idea if this will last or if we will be , once again, thrown into the gristmill of Land Deals Gone Bad In Foreign Countries, but for now I am buoyantly going about my affairs, thinking of things I haven't considered for over two years.

I am due to fly out of San José on Thursday, headed for Australia to see a new grandchild.

I am looking forward to the change.